WISDOM RETROFIT
Vignettes
Swallowed whole
My system opened wide and swallowed me late last month. I can’t remember 2 full weeks, and i didn’t draw a sober breath. My marriage is a dumpster fire, and my therapy is a nightmare. It’s literally a nightmare. I’m awake, but it feels like i’m trapped in memories, the memories my system saved for me by hiding them in my dreams. I’m inundated with invasive thoughts and pictures of what happened flashing in my mind. It’s like those horror movies where all they have for light is a Polaroid camera.
POP!
…zzzzzzzz…
**DISTURBING IMAGE**
POP!
…zzzzzzzz…
**DISTURBING IMAGE**
It happens all day, every day. There’s no getting away from the feelings, either. These children that live in my brain feel it all the time. I made them when i was a child to carry the burden of it all because i couldn’t carry it if i wanted to live, and i did. They’re trapped in those moments and those emotions, and i feel them now. I’ve pulled up alongside them, close enough to be hit by wave after wave of agony and terror. It’s so awful i haven’t the words to describe it, and i’m not sure i would share those words if i did. No one should know this; no one should feel this way. No one — not ever.
